Your first love- almost as gut wrenching as your first heart break, just in all the wrong ways.
Unfortunatley, a friend of mine has recently found this out the hard way.
Simply reading her text messages has been enough to take me back to my own first broken heart- and it’s not really a place I’d like to spend a lot of time in.
Something I do remember however is the feeling of waking up one day and just being sick of crying. It hits you like a slap in the face. You slowly drift from sleep into conciousnous, bleary eyed, waiting for the pain to constrict your chest and the eyes to sting with tears as you remember the reality and….it just doesn’t come.
Instead you get out of bed. You have a shower. You look in the mirror and you realise it doesn’t hurt as much anymore.
Are you still numb? Yes.
Do you still feel completely lost, operating on autopilot? Unfortunatley.
But for one reason or another- be it time, or total exhaustion or perhaps simply acceptance- it’s just not as hard to keep going on with your life.
This day is, of course, after countless days of weeping on your bedroom floor, of sad and then angry and then apologetic texts to the ex, of ten thousand refreshes of their Facebook profile, of embarrassing drunken visits where you bang on their door, throw rocks at their bedroom window and beg to see them.
But it does come. That day does come.
Inspired by heartache- I’ve come up with the following two playlists.
Playlist 1 is the drowning playlist- the one you whack on when the knife in your heart is still fresh. You need this period of continuous crying before you can even start to think about moving on.
Playlist 2 is to be played on that day. The day you wake up and realise, it isn’t always going to be this hard.
L.G, I hope this helps.
'Breaking My Heart'- Aqualung
'Fix You'- Coldplay
'Run'- Snow Patrol
'Goodbye Waves and Driveways'- The Rocket Summer
'Delicate'- Damien Rice
'Hometown Glory'- Adele
'I Will Follow You Into The Dark'- Death Cab for Cutie
'Blood Bank'- Bon Iver
'I Gave You All'- Mumford & Sons
'Somebody That I Used to Know'- Gotye feat. Kimbra.
sometimes i have to remind myself multiple times a day that tumblr is not real and it is okay that i am not 1. laying in a field 2. braiding my hair into a crown around my head with roses and shit 3. wearing some sort of weird schoolgirl stocking/kneesock situation 4. able to afford a $100 haircut 5. tattooed with like swallows and teacups.
so yes, it is totally okay. it just means you exist in three dimensions.